Dienstag, 12. April 2011

After they left the community

(Rewriting of the days after)
Jonas can hear Gabe crying in his seat behind him but he can't hear the voice anymore. Till he left his community he heared the loudspeakers ringing alarm THE NEW RECIEVER RUN AWAY. The awareness of Gabe sitting right behind him kept him away from insanity. Of course he'd never been so far away but he feels such a pain in his heart. A part of him aware of being nearly alone now another part preparing for tomorrows ceremony. He hesistated just for a second that peddaled faster than befor. No, he can't go back now. It's decided. No way back. His legs ached but he just pedaled on. He loses alignment. There was just one road to nowhere. He doesn't evem know how to survive the next week. Gabe struggled. Jonas don't know what he should do next.

The days past eventless. At night he was pedaling. At day they were sleeping. Jonas was aware of the crying in his back and that was the only thing which induces him to go one.

After a couple of days Jonas could see a building  at the horizon. He pedaled faster. There wasn't enough water for them two since the last night so Jonas had to halve his part so that Gabe have his whole dose. When he reached the house he dismounts from his bike took Gabe and moved to the door. Going wasn't as easy as riding his legs felt like jelly. When he reached the door he could here a sound coming from inside. Music. He could remember the word. The Giver once used it. For the first time after he left the community he felt heartsick because he left the Giver -his friend.
Jonas knocked on the door and the music stopped abrupt. Then silence. After a while the door opened just a little. In the gap between door and doorframe he could see a face directly looking at him. Then the door opened. There was a young woman standing in the frame and frightened looking behind him. Then she tokked his arms and pull him into the house. Gabe smiled. Jonas was wondered who this woman might be. She must have been at his age but she seemed much older. "Who are you?" Jonas asked with confusion. "Doesn't matter.""Oh of course it matters. Who are you?" The woman turned to him looking at Gabriel. "I'm the one who will never be the same." Oh that was exactly what Jonas needed. Enigmas. "Just tell me who you are." Jonas wasn't angry at this person her face was too lovely to be angry about her. "Rosemary"
His hearbeat got stuck. What did she just say. Rosemary really. That can't be. He looked into her eyes and saw the same paleness that he saw when he had looked into a mirror or into the Givers face. He exactly weight out the coincidence. Could this really be. No it can't because Rosemary -meaning the Givers daughter- had been released. He stared at her. She killed herself. That was what the giver had told him. "Where are you from? What's your history?".
"I don't even know you why should I tell this to you?" Jonas flipped forward and grabbed her shoulders. He transmittered her his memories of the last year. She ripped her eyes. "No this can't be."

The last three weeks pasted such eventful. Rosemary felt in love with Jonas.
After he told her the entire truth and told her about the past ten years (just the facts he could remember at) she asked him to stay with him forever. She also told him about her truth and mentioned her "Immortality". One evening as they sat at the fire in the livingroom she told him why she is still as young as he is. "After a year I noticed that I don't age any more. It's complicated but after a time it's simple to understand." There are so many new things for Jonas that he thought he could handle that too. During the first week she told him everything about her survival out in the nowhere. She showed him the colourful landscape, the fields, the flowers and much more. They both take care of Gabe and did a kind of adoption. She continued. "We're in nowhere. So many rules don't suit this place. But our age changes." "But...-" "Shhhhhh just listen. I'm not a Twelve anymore because this system doesn't suit this place. But I didn't age neither. I'm a full adult and you're too. We reach the adult-status and stop aging. It's our own system." Jonas felt a tear on his cheek. From here to infinty with his love Rosemary and his "son" Gabriel. "From here to infinity" she wispered and Jonas saw a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Kommentare:

  1. This is a very romantic ending to the story. I didn't really get the idea of bein immortal and not aging at the same time though. You put a lot of effort into this, which I can see and feel when reading. Somehow, you need to focus on language more precisely. Take these aspects into consideration:
    adjectives vs adverbs
    to go on-.
    here vs to hear
    tenses
    3rd person -s in present tense
    this cant be TRUE

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  2. this can't be true ? I really understand the other phrases but that one I don't understand. do you mean the story or is it just another tiping error?

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